Archive for December, 2007

Video Game Year in Review, 2007 Edition

Monday, December 31st, 2007

The Orange Box

No amount of jadedness can deny just what a fantastic year this was for gaming.

It was so good that money was a secondary issue to actually finding the time to get around to playing so many quality releases. I beat The Orange Box (all of it), BioShock, Halo 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3 and Jet Set Radio Future (finally got around to doing this) among others and I hope to get around to purchasing Mass Effect, Call of Duty 4 and, to a lesser extent, Contra 4 when time permits as I’m only just now becoming unglued from Guitar Hero III and despite the fact that I still have Zack and Wiki sitting in my Wii. That’s not even mentioning the bevy of XBLA titles and Virual Console releases this year. All in all, a good year for gamers.

It’s the end of the year and, with no major releases on the horizon until well after 2008, I’d like to go back and talk about the high and low points of gaming in 2007 as I see them. I’ll stay clear of media related drama (Gertsmann firing, mergers and acquisitions, etc) and just focus on the games and consoles themselves.

Video Game Disappointments of 2007:

4. BioShock: The perfect example of a game not being able to keep its momentum. The first few hours are fantastic but by the time you reach the end of the game you’re overpowered, getting upgrades to old plasmids instead of new ones, tired of seeing the same enemies over and over again, bored of fetch missions and almost wanting for the game to be over already. The fact that the last boss fight and the ending don’t match up to the quality of earlier parts of the game just hurts the overall experience even more so.

3. Mega Man Advent ZX: I take full responsibility for falling into this one. I knew the game would be a carbon copy of the first one (and pretty much every Mega Man game ever made) but I went ahead and got it anyway. I love to dash around and cut people with the Z-Saber but I’ve done it a dozen times already. The fact that you can change into over a dozen different forms just makes the game more cumbersome than it needs to be. It was by playing this game that I realized that I’ve had just about enough of Mega Man, at least until it gets a proper next-gen console sequel.

2. Super Paper Mario: I was so looking forward to this game and I was let down tremendously by it. So much potential just completely thrown away. How the developers decided to artificially extend the game is the worst offender here but so is how boringly easy the game is, not to mention the forgettable music, recycled graphics and lackluster Wiimote implementation. Huge letdown.

1. The Wii and Nintendo in general: Mario Galaxy and Metroid Prime 3 were both fantastic games but the fact of the matter is they didn’t raise the bar in any significant way. I was really looking forward to Phantom Hourglass but completely lost interest after hearing how dumbed down the game was to appeal to the casual market. Virtual Console titles are over-priced (I still buy them though because I’m an idiot), their online service is a joke, the new channels are a joke, the Wii’s input method is not the “revolution” that Nintendo promised as far as I’m concerned and I already mentioned Super Paper Mario. In trying to appeal to the casual market Nintendo has alienated many of the people that have grown up with their games. My Wii gets very little play time compared to my 360 and it’s doesn’t look like that’s going to change any time soon.

Video Game Highlights of 2007:

4. BioShock: Yes, I know. I already talked about this game in a negative light and it does start to become less enjoyable after a while but those first few hours will go down as some of the most intense and atmospheric video game experiences I’ll ever play. I’d say the game starts it’s steady decline somewhere in the Sander Cohen section. It’s a shame the rest of the game couldn’t keep up really. Could’ve been my game of the year.

3. Guitar Hero 3: I had heard of the franchise (everyone I know that has played it has nothing but good things to say about it) but I never bothered to play it until this year and I’m just blown away at how much time I’ve put into this game. Probably the most out of any single title this year. It’s really addicting and it’s really damn hard. I do feel like I’m playing a quick cash-in from Activision made out of Harmonix’s scraps and the new Battle Mode is horrible but the foundation must’ve been really solid because I can’t pull myself away from this game. And hey, it got me listening to Metallica. Looking for a practical way to get into Rock Band now.

2. Street Fighter 4 announcement: Thank God! After years of rumors and fake screenshots we can finally sit back and relax with the knowledge that Street Fighter 4 is coming. It was inevitable really but some of us had almost lost hope. I’ve had mixed reactions from what I’ve heard and seen of the game so far (cautiously optimistic is probably the best way of putting it) but the fanboy inside me just cannot wait to play this game. I’m putting my faith in Capcom here. I mean, it’s Street Fighter 4. They can’t fuck this up. Right?

1. The Orange Box: I could’ve put any or all of the five games included in the Orange Box as the highlights of this year. The fact that it all comes in one neat package makes this a no-brainer choice for the best video game experience of the year. I’ve already talked about Portal in a previous post and, to a lesser extent, about Team Fortress 2, the best multiplayer experience out there, but the Half Life 2 portions of the Orange Box deserve equal praise. If you can only get one game this year, let it be the Orange Box. Horrible cover art and all.

And there you have it.

You might notice that there wasn’t any mention of the PS3 and that’s because I don’t have one so I couldn’t talk about its failed promises or exceeded expectations with a straight face.

For the record, if I had to put only one game of those included in the Orange Box as a highlight I’d choose Portal.

It’s all about the cake.

LADIES: I’m on the prowl! RAWR!

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

I hope that roar didn’t scare you. I may look and act like a tiger, but I’m really just a big pussy cat. And speaking of pussy, if you play your cards right you might just find yours meeting a certain penis. My penis to be specific.

It’s not too big and it’s not too small. It’s just enough inches to get the job done.

Did I mention it’s uncircumcised?

That’s right. My pork sword is still in it’s sheath. However, don’t think that it’s not dangerous.

I’ve caused bruising before.

If you think you can handle it, drop me a line.